i'm going to have to do so much more laundry now

This morning I woke up with the oddest feeling in my right arm. Really, the lack of feeling. Except it wasn't numb; it was heavy, it was tingly, and I had absolutely no control over its movement. Sitting up in panic, I watched it flop into my lap and my heart started racing as I poked and pinched it, wondering how I would make it through the next 60-some years with no right arm. I couldn't lift my arm. I couldn't move my fingers. It was terrifying and yet fascinating and all sorts of things were pounding through my sleep-blurred mind for the few minutes until I fully awakened and the blood flow, and feeling, returned to my arm.

I also had a powerful leg cramp in my left calf--the kind where you're not sure whether to flex or relax the leg, bend or straighten, but it's so painful you're not sure you'll ever recover. And I've got an odd stabbing pain in my right shoulder this morning.

My body is either releasing all the stress and anxiety of the last several months, or gearing up for more. Yesterday I quit my job and accepted a position as adoptions coordinator at a prominent DC-area humane society. I use "humane society" rather than "animal shelter" in order to emphasize the services and programs offered by the organization, in order to reinforce the idea of the humane society as an education and welfare organization and not just a dog pound. Because I will be doing so much more than just helping people pick animals--I'll be participating in humane education, working with volunteers, writing, doing outreach, counseling, training, helping make tough decisions, increasing visibility and understanding.

I am terrified.

And so excited.

I told Joe that this is either the bravest thing I've ever done, or the stupidest. He pointed out that "brave" is what people say when they're too polite to say "stupid." We also considered that "brave" is what people say when something works; "stupid" is what they say when it fails.

I always read about people who "left a promising career in finance" to go non-profit or "walked away from a career in law" to open a yarn store. I never thought I would be a person who "walked away" from something. But I am, at least for now, walking away from the only thing I've ever really done, walking away from my training and experience and background and trying to apply that to something entirely different. It's alarming. And it's exactly the right thing for me to do.

I'm still not ready to write about what it was like to quit yesterday--it was a lot sadder than I expected it to be. But for the next two weeks I will be taking leftover vacation, tying up lose ends, breaking the news, and training my replacement. I'll also be trying to figure out what kind of shoes are best for all-day wear in an animal shelter. Any suggestions?

Oh, and once more, I QUIT MY JOB. I GOT A NEW ONE. I COMPLETED A NEW YEARS RESOLUTION.

What am I going to whine about now?